I Will Be Great

giraffe The other day we were at Starbucks, you picked up a magazine and leafed through it absentmindedly, periodically stopping to take a sip out of the Hojicha Latte set upon the table, equidistance from you and me. When the swishing of pages paused for a little too long, I barely noticed, until I felt the uneasiness of your eyes boring holes through the book I was holding.

“Is this your article? Oh my god, it’s your name! In a legit magazine. In Starbucks!”

“Yeap, that’s me.” I quipped before snatching it over to snap a photo for my mother who’s still hung up over my drop out from Law School. “What is that.” She cooly replied.

I want to be big in the industry. Big, as in you’ll be saying my name in hushed whispers big. Big, as in you’ll be envious of my life spent living aflutter and be jealous enough to leave spiteful comments on my Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Big, as in big enough to pick up a random magazine on the news stands and either find my name in the mast head or as reference in a feature.

The sad news is? I’m still frightened. Frightened of the gargantuan figures in the industry, of the interviews I have to attend and the small talk I have to make. I am inferior of the way I talk, the way I laugh and the way I hold my wine goblet when a toast is proposed. I hide behind my laptop, behind the false sense of security it provides me, pushing out words I carefully compose and artfully string into a melody.

The sad news is? I’m not there yet. Not near, nowhere close. But it’s okay, because sometimes it’s fear that sets the heart ablaze and lights up the long winding road ahead. And I’m alright with that.

Some day, I will be great.

7 thoughts on “I Will Be Great

  1. Hey there!
    I follow thelittlegreatrealizations and happened to chance upon your tumblr and it brought me here. Your drawings and doodles are really amazing btw, and I feel that you write beautifully! Your analogies are sweet and impactful. I love reading your posts because they usually sum up how I feel too. I hope you don’t mind the long comment. From what I’ve read, I think you’re a really strong lady. I’m sure you’ll make it big! Looking forward to reading your articles πŸ™‚

    1. This is the sweetest thing ever! Thank you so much for your encouragement and compliments. πŸ™‚ You flatter me. My inner stalker also lets me know that you write as well and it’s rare that people actually do write properly these days so do continue writing β€” even if it’s not the best, you’ll only get better with time.

      Stay lovely and please take good care of your beautiful heart! It brings me so much joy to receive your kind words. πŸ™‚

      1. Awww, you’re so sweet πŸ™‚ Thank you!
        Hahaa, I’m a little embarrassed if you’ve read some of my posts. My writing is a far cry from yours, but writing brings me joy and I’ll work on it!
        Thank you so much for your encouragement.
        All the best πŸ™‚

  2. Hello,
    I really like this article because I could relate with it. I guess its our (aspiring creative) fear of our mediocrity that drives our works. I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone in the struggle for improvement and “perfection”!!

    Good day.

    πŸ™‚

    Huey Yun

    1. Hi!

      Glad to know that you enjoyed the read. πŸ™‚ Ahh, it’s so heartening to know that someone out there understands the pain in this relentless pursuit towards excellence.

      May you be greater than you have ever been.

      Have a great week πŸ™‚

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