1.

I've been thinking about giving up on my oriental themed wedding because I can't find a kua I like.

I've actually already purchased one for Husband Ng and one for myself…but…I wasn't even as excited as I was when I received my poorly fitted wedding dress in the mail recently.

We're trying to keep everything simple for the banquet and I think I'm done trying to make things look perfect.

So we're probably going to drop everything to it's bare bones.

Just a dinner for our relatives and friends to celebrate with us and share our happiness.

No speeches, no childhood montages and no cake cutting.

I've even begun to look at dresses without lace or tulle skirts haha.

Man, I'm over being a #dayrebride ☹️😂

2.

Just keep moving

Sometimes in life, you feel like there are goals you cannot meet and lists you cannot complete.

But the trick is to just…keep…moving.

Don't stop.

And you'll find that in the momentum, you'll find comfort.

And slowly in comfort, joy.

And the endless lists will find their end 😊

3.

Closing chapters

If you've followed me since last year, you'll know we started on our renovation journey a long while back.

And it's been an endless nightmare for me.

But finally, it's coming to an end. Even with the less than perfect painting, plastering and tiling, we're happy to finally be able to close this chapter in our lives.

And I realise that closing this opens another. And moving into our own place sometimes scares me.

4.

Adverse to change

I'm so afraid of change that even if it promises better things, I'm still hesitant.

Rather be stuck in a shit place of familiarity than to move to an amazing but unfamiliar place.

That's me guys.

Always marching on the spot, refusing to move forward.

5.

Spending time alone

I've been enjoying time spent alone much more now.

In fact I relish the mornings that Husband Ng leaves the home for gym.

And these few days, it's been perfect because the house is truly empty, while my mum is on holiday and our baby sitting services for our nephew is paused.

I appreciate the silence and the undisturbed air of stillness in the room, and the peace that circulates through the entire home.

These little moments are so rare, and so precious.

I finally feel as though I can think, I can hear myself.

And for once, the thoughts are whispering instead of shouting.

It is quiet enough for me to listen to myself without having to sieve out all the noise.

And I love it.

Please gym longer, husband Ng, but please come back before lunch. I get hungry early 🍕

6.

I love writing these numbered posts of thoughts.

I am not the most visual person so photos are quite rare in my life.

I am however, an overthinking and I can blabber non stop.

So these posts are the best for me.

I hope it doesn't bore you! I'm a boring person, but sometimes, by some stroke of luck, some of you guys find me interesting enough to stick around.

So thank you! And thank you for reading these wordy posts 😊

—-

I'm not particularly sad or bothered!

Just sharing some thoughts I had over the days!

——–

I love Facebook for multiple reasons. One of them is the memories feature that tells you what happened on this day, X years ago.

Today, it reminded me that exactly 4 years ago, on this day, I wrote this.

And I would like to share it with you. 😊

The other day we were at Starbucks, you picked up a magazine and leafed through it absentmindedly, periodically stopping to take a sip out of the Hojicha Latte set upon the table, equidistance from you and me. When the swishing of pages paused for a little too long, I barely noticed, until I felt the uneasiness of your eyes boring holes through the book I was holding.

“Is this your article? Oh my god, it’s your name! In a legit magazine. In Starbucks!”

“Yeap, that’s me.” I quipped before snatching it over to snap a photo for my mother who’s still hung up over my drop out from Law School. “What is that.” She cooly replied.

I want to be big in the industry. Big, as in you’ll be saying my name in hushed whispers big. Big, as in you’ll be envious of my life spent living aflutter and be jealous enough to leave spiteful comments on my Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.

Big, as in big enough to pick up a random magazine on the news stands and either find my name in the mast head or as reference in a feature.

The sad news is? I’m still frightened. Frightened of the gargantuan figures in the industry, of the interviews I have to attend and the small talk I have to make. I am inferior of the way I talk, the way I laugh and the way I hold my wine goblet when a toast is proposed.

I hide behind my laptop, behind the false sense of security it provides me, pushing out words I carefully compose and artfully string into a melody.

The sad news is? I’m not there yet. Not near, nowhere close. But it’s okay, because sometimes it’s fear that sets the heart ablaze and lights up the long winding road ahead. And I’m alright with that.

Some day, I will be great.

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