A moth came visiting us last night. A small one, lingering, circling. Then settling right in the middle of our bedroom floor, almost as if it were making itself at home.
I lost someone dear to me 2 years back. Before that, I never understood the bleakness of loss. Never fully grasped the concept of how someone was never coming back.
Sure, I'd lost others before. But somehow, I was too young to forge relationships strong enough such that it left a huge hole on my heart when they left.
They say love will change the way you see the world and defies all concepts of logic and reality.
And I guess this is your way of proving to me that I have a heart.
I used to be afraid when the 7th month came around, shaken by the myths, stories and the odd little moths.
But now, after losing you, I look at these things in a completely different manner. Moths are welcome now, adored even. Tho I still stay away.
I miss you more than you know.
And that night, after the moth came visiting and after I put down all the work and lay my head down to rest.
I'm not sure when the sound of my silent sobbing became the accompaniment to Husband Ng's snoring.
I wish you could be here to see us all now. To see how baby nephew keeps us all on our toes and how his cheeky side would have kept you entertained, days on end.
I wish you could be here to tickle my toes and wake me up in the mornings, your curly hair and smile the first thing I see.
I wish I could see you, with the crooked left leg, which hopefully, they managed to make straight.
But most of all, I wish that you're in a better place now. Without all the suffering and all the pain.
They say moths during this time of the year are visiting family.
If that's the case, I'm hoping all the little moths that have been coming to say hello are you.
You must miss us quite a bit don't you?
But never more than how much I miss you.
My aunt passed away 2 years ago from heart failure due to a kidney condition.
We were very close because she used to live with us and we hung out every day.
The world saw her as someone with less intellect, but it was her less that made her more. And it was her more that we loved.
If you're interested in knowing more about her, I wrote a eulogy 2 years back which you can find on my WordPress.
I feel like writing about her keeps my memories alive.