To all the girls (& their boyfriends/husbands) that turned up for the flea yesterday, thank you so so much for coming down to support us!
I know the location was a little inaccessible and the weather was unforgiving, but I hope you all still had a wonderful time going through the discount bins and seeing me prance around like a sweaty seal 😅
And to those that came a little later and were disappointed because you couldn't get what you wanted, so sorry!
We're already looking for a venue for a Christmas flea so don't worry! (If any organizers see this, please email if you have any fleas going on! 😅)
I enjoyed the flea immensely, but after the dust settled and having supper with our friends, I revelled in the quiet drive we had back home.
👧: I think I am not cut out for socialising. I'm super tired but more of mentally than physically 😅
👦: Ya I know. Some people feed off talking to people but you only feed off talking to shiqi…anyone else you cannot.
It's true tho!
I think I'm pretty good at holding small talk when it's necessary but if I can, I will never do it.
At my previous jobs, I either had lunch alone (I brought a lunchbox and ate at the pantry) or with my brother (when we worked near each other).
My ex boss had to repeatedly ask me to walk around the office and make small talk so I got to know more people. But it was like wanting me to walk on knives and swallow coal.
Idk why la, I just cannot. 😫
The business of socialising
A lot of times, I wish that I was more of a social butterfly because there are moments whereby I literally see opportunities pass me by because I didn't put in the effort to make small talk.
It's so weird that they call it small talk when it can have big consequences!
For example, at yesterday's event, it didn't even cross my mind to go and mingle with the other vendors (I usually just look-see and purchase) until they came to approach me 😅
When one of them passed me their name card, I had to sheepishly say "Hur hur I don't have name cards cos we are mainly based online and I'm a 宅女" 😅
Hahahaha. One of my friend helping out was trying to hold back her laughter.
FML I'm socially awkward 😅
Granted, I know that in business, connections get you places. But I'm not sure if it is because I've been brought up by an overly-scholarly mother who taught me all my values based on some saint, I actually don't like it when connections brings me places.
Maybe 我的骨子里有着一股傲气 (I have an air of loftiness buried deep in my bones) so I tend to refuse help unless I am deserving of it.
Then again, I fantasize about the business deals I could have clinched if only I opened my damned mouth 😅
Out of the limelight
I'm also very specific about how I show off 😅
Sorry ah, just putting it out there that EVERYONE loves to feel good about themselves and be recognized. It's like a human nature thing?
For example if you hear someone say " so and so very smart one la! Graduated top of her class then went on to save the world and cure cancer"
You also very shiok right??
But I am very specific about the ways I like to derive this shiokness from.
I don't like to be called #girlboss
But I love it when people call me laobanniang 😅😅
Want to know the difference? I feel that the image I want to associate myself with is the Ladyboss in Kungfu who has a cigarette in her mouth and curlers in her hair 😅
I want to be like the mamashop boss, and the chicken rice store aunty that stands there and take orders, collect money but don't need to chop chicken or cook rice 😂
And I think laobanniang strongly portrays that image.
You know, when I imagine how things play out when I am successful, I imagine people asking me
" LBN! That bralette over there with the 2 hole at the nipple and many many flower at the back, that one sexy sexy, how much for one?"
Then I can reply
"Girl ah! You want sexy, come I show you secksi. Not expensive, only $1999!"
But being called girlboss gives off the vibe whereby you know those very well coiffed women entrepreneurs that don't sweat in the heat and can wear high heels all day etc.
Yesterday at the flea. I sweated so much, I stole my nephew's handkerchief to use.
Ya…I'm damn embarrassing. I am not a girlboss, I am not an entrepreneur. I just like doing what I'm doing and I don't have any inspirational advise.
I'm still finding my own way too!
I think another analogy about what kind of "showing off" makes me feel good would be like…someone talking to you and saying good things about you.
Someone talking to someone else and saying good things about you.
Obviously the second one will feel more shiok right. Except that…you won't know that number 2 happened unless someone tells you about it or you eavesdrop and hear it 😂
It's also sort of like the philosophical question of…
If a tree fell but nobody heard or saw it fall, did it really fall?
To me, DUH RIGHT. It's a FACT that the tree fell and whether or not anyone witnesses it or acknowledges it doesn't matter. Facts don't lie. It's the only truth.
The same way I don't need to hear people clap or openly receive awards to feel good about topping the class or graduating from school. (HUGE reason why I didn't go for my graduation)
I mean. I wear the robe or not, I took photos or not, I collect my cert or not,
Graduated means graduated la.
And even if no one knows or sees, fact is fact. Cannot be changed.
If you're good at something and you know for a fact you are good, it doesn't matter if no one ever acknowledges it.
I like to remind myself of this every once in awhile.
The world isn't fair
Sometimes the good die young, sometimes the original inventor of something is poor and unknown and his idea gets stolen, replicated and then patented and sold for a couple of million dollars.
Most of the time, your hard work goes unrewarded and sadly you don't reap what you sow.
Which is why, it is so important to be able to see beyond all the rewards and external validations and stare directly at the effort you've put in and tell yourself, it is enough.
I am enough.
I spend A LOT of my time (usually while driving and being stuck in bad traffic or parking queues) thinking about this shithole of a world we live in.
And everytime I see an ad of that spinning make up brush cleaner thing, I think about how the original inventor of it must be crying himself to sleep every night because who gives a shit about patents and all these small shops are selling OEM versions of his very unique idea.
I cannot stop thinking about how insanely unfair it is, or how much injustice there is going on in this world that just isn't going to end.
But ultimately, I come to the conclusion that, the only way the spinning make up brush inventor will ever come to terms with life is if he is contented with what he has.
He can forever remain bitter and angry that the world never knows he's the original inventor.
Or he can just smile and go to sleep sniggering because he knows for a fact that something he invented is now popularized and used by women all over the world.
The decision is yours la.
Obviously it's super hard to find that peace. Sometimes I get freaking angry at the people who copy my shit (even tho I don't have much creativity 😂) and write until like the idea came to them in a moment of ingenuity.
But aiyah, what to do?
The only way to prevent your ideas from being stolen is to never speak of it.
In that case…did you really come up with a brilliant idea or did you not? 😂
Plus, nobody can keep their mouths shut about a brilliant idea one lah…afterall we rather be copied that be ignored 😂