Wah! Where did all the time go! πŸ™ƒ

But not complaining because the EOYs are usually Husband Ng and my favourite time of the year (thank you Christmas!) ✌️

I just wanted to say a huge thank you to the girls who shared your stories in the comments on my previous post! I've read every single one of them and now I'm on a mission to reply every one! πŸ€“

My replies are going to be long because I have so much to say, so bear with me ok! πŸ˜‚

The end of year period is always crazy for retailers cos of all the festive shopping and what not!

Yesterday, we went down to OHVOLA's largest retail space at Orchard Gateway B1 to fill up our racks cos…we've been so kindly invited to occupy a space there!!! ❀️

Haha I'm always damn blessed to have things fall into place but of course, thank you to Joey @smudgesticks for the invite. I hope we didn't ruin the ~aesthetics~ too much!

My alternative idea for a retail space would have been

a) Pasar Malam

b) Booth outside NTUC πŸ™ƒ

I think with my water bottle flinging demonstration for the chicken cutlet nubras I'm selling, I might just become the star of the show @ NTUC ✨

Hehe with the help of some little elves and Husband Ng, we are happy with our little corner in the shop!

It's not right smack in the middle, but at the corner πŸ™ƒ Hidden behind a wall but if you guys want to support us, do come and take a look ok!

Haha it's ok that we are not on prime real estate in the store cos we're still small la! πŸ™ƒ and we are happy to have been given this chance all the same! ✨

#ourbraletteclub #obc

Btw I know I'm slow to catch up on this news, but can I say that I'm so so proud of all the nations for taking tiny steps toward becoming more inclusive? ✨

I've always been apathetic towards the legalization of LGBT marriage in the US because it always seems so far away and a small step towards true equality, but now that Australia has taken that step too, I somehow feel a little more encouraged.

Oceania is taking the lead and one day, SEA and SG will too πŸ™ƒ

Since we are on the topic of LGBT, I thought I'd just step forward and say that……….

I am bisexual

Eeyer this Chow, forever talking about these kind of controversial topics.

First was not dieting before her wedding. And now after pushing for such unacceptable practices. She comes and says she's bi πŸ™„

HAHAHA it's true leh. It's the first time I've ever openly admitted to this (with digital footprint) but maybe it's time to do so..?

For a good 5-6 years in my younger life, I was fatally attracted to women/girls who dressed more masculine and was in a relationship with a wonderful human being for 4 years. ✨

She was my first serious partner and she was the only person I'd consider myself have been seriously dating before I dated and subsequently married Daniel πŸ™ƒ

In case you're wondering, yes Daniel knows I'm bi and no he doesn't feel like he's "converted" me from liking girls to guys (which btw is messed up)

A lot of people wonder if gays and lesbians are nature or nurture. πŸ™ƒ And I think until today, nobody can really answer that question.

Truth is, I don't really understand the importance of it as well?

I don't speak for anyone else but myself. And for me, I didn't grow up hell bent on dating a girl. It wasn't a rebellious streak and it wasn't really a conscious decision.

It was more of like, I set out looking for love and it didn't really matter if love came to me in a man or a woman.

Unlike quite a few other coming out stories where people explain how they've ALWAYS known that they were attracted to people of their own gender, I don't have those.

I liked to play with dolls, but also liked cars. Loved to stay at home and took classes in art & music but also photography and drama.

Never had a particular preference or….signs that I would turn up being..

Abnormal? Not normal? Not straight?

Never liked those words but have never been bothered by them either.

I fell in love with her the same way I fell in love with him. Their gender didn't make a difference and it didn't make me want to choose one over the other just because of the way their bodies worked.

I always thought that I couldn't be considered a "real" bi (wts real, fake, authentic, sponspored, not sponsored πŸ™„ these things kill me) because I've always had a penchant for what my era people used to call..

Butches.

Or basically the girls/women that dressed up more masculinely and in a lesbian relationship, took up the role of a….guy?

It's quite weird actually cos some people get offended by people like me whom they consider defectors (πŸ™ƒ) when we break up with a girl to date a guy

My ex-girlfriend's buddy always used to tell her to ditch me while she could or to stay away from me because as someone who liked both men and women, we would always choose the easier way out…

Which is to just date men.

So sad, but sometimes so true as well.

We met back in school and started dating in school as well. Which was super weird for a lot of our friends who were brought up in "proper" families and not regularly exposed to same-sex couples.

I remember the first time she confessed to me with extreme clarity. Not because it was particularly romantic or because I am hung up on the relationship (πŸ˜‚) but because I remember not feeling torn, disgusted or upset with the fact that I was dating a girl.

It was surprising to all my friends because coming out stories usually describe the moment of realization as one that is filled with great happiness (love of your life at that point yo) but also great apprension because they felt like they were doing something wrong?

I didn't feel that way in the beginning, but awhile into the relationship, I started to feel that way.

The most amount of time we spent together was taking the train home.

Most of the time we were good students that behaved ourselves, but sometimes we would hold hands.

And apparently that would piss some people off.

People on the train would give us weird looks of stare a little too long. And if we saw anyone familiar at all, our instinct was to let go and back away.

There was once we walked past each other in a mall and had to pretend we didn't know each other.

I remember once, on my birthday, someone told me that I was in trouble because apparently someone saw us holding hands and reported it to the school.

I remember playing it cool and shrugging it off. Until everyone left after school and it was just Fawn and I and some others in class.

When I started crying.

I was so afraid, more afraid than when I sort of dated a guy and my parents almost found out.

Somehow, in that moment, the gravity of the entire situation settled on me.

And I realised that I was scared….to be in love?

To date?

To date a girl?

If it were anyone else, just not a girl, would it have been ok?

Eventually, we broke up. Amicably though, and I guess a part of it was because I didn't see a future together because I had traditional parents and technically so did she.

Would everything have turned out different if same-sex marriage was as common as heterosexual ones?

Probably.

Would we still have broken up?

Maybe not.

I guess there's no point harping on the past (plus I'm VERY happily married)

But we should not have to fall out of love because of an uncertain future.

I guess I count myself lucky to be attracted to both men and women (nothing wrong to only be attracted to one gender) but for those who don't have a choice (homosexuality is NOT a choice ah pls la) I cannot imagine having to live in fear.

When I was dating her, I had constantly envisioned our life together, but the ending was always the same. We were never married and always ended up having to leave families behind to build a life together.

I'm just honest.

And possibly have no desire to mince my words or hide behind a veil forever.

I do wish I would have been braver tho. To have been the one to say…it's ok, to have faith that things would get better.

But instead I was the one who ran away. And I hope that no one else will have to do that again.

The men and women who are still holding on to that glimmer of hope, who prefer to believe that good will ultimately come,

They are the brave ones.

It doesn't make a difference if they don't have a choice. Neither does it downplay the amount of hurt and discrimination they have to face.

But I'm happy to be able to witness our progress and it seems like good change is about to come. ✨

I still remember the first time I met you, your crazy hair and small eyes.

And I remember the games we used to play. The months of "I know you like me but you didn't want to like me",

Followed by the months of "I know you'll hurt me but I can't stay away"

I think maybe they were all right to begin with. That you shouldn't have tried to date a straight girl because they will all leave and break your heart.

Maybe you would have been better off staying far far away, burying your feelings in the distance.

But you didn't. And we happened.

I was young and so were you, but somehow, we always felt way more mature than our age.

I know if you were somewhere reading this now, you'd be laughing, because you knew this would be exactly what I would have wanted to say.

You'd think about how my MIL would read this, but at the same time, virtually give me a high 5 and pat on the head.

"It's because everyone is reading this, that's why she's writing it."

You would have said.

You would know that I wanted to give this meaning. And if I wanted to come clean, it would at least have to go out with a bang.

And you're right. You're always right. Somehow, I'm this fearless, "boh pang chance" person because you've always always ALWAYS belived in pleasing no one.

And I guess I learnt.

Thank you for spoiling me rotten. And even when you knew it wasn't going to last, you never ever ever ever threw in the towel first.

You were sacrificial to a ridiculous extent and you taught me how to love someone more than the world itself.

Your silence in sacrifice taught me that love didn't need to be loud.

Somehow, it always seemed to me that when we started, you already knew it would end. But still you gave me everything you had.

Maybe that's how I learn to be like that.

If you saw me now, I think you'd give me an A+ for choosing so well.

But if I saw your girlfriend, I would probably stalk the shit out of her. πŸ™ƒ

Not because i'm jealous, but definitely because I still care. And also fiercely protective of someone I used to call family.

πŸ™„ It's such a huge pain to have someone like me as an ex. But excuse me, you don't get to choose ok.

I know you'll be happy to know I'm truly happy right now. And I hope happiness finds you too.

There are only 2 reactions men have when they realise the girl they are attracted to is bisexual.

1. They fistbump the air and pat themselves on the back for converting a "crooked" girl into a straight one πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„ (seriously guys don't ever do this)

2. They back away slowly and feel weirded out because they think that if the girl likes another girl, they must think the guy is like a girl (logic fail??????)

But husband ng, you are in a league of your own.

You practically completely ignored the fact that I dated girls and never treated me like a conquest.

You are seriously the most gender blind person I know and you've never been ashamed of the fact that I am bisexual.

Our parents don't know, but I'm pretty sure even if they did you'd just retort with a…"so?"

You go to gay clubs with me and have a blast too. You make your friends go to gay clubs and laugh at them when they give that homophobic moan.

You made me feel…ok again. Ok to be whoever I want, doing whatever I wanted.

Ok to be bisexual, lesbian, queer or whatever the hell I wanted to be (btw, damn triggered by posts in the #lgbt section that suggests people come out as gay to attract attention and that there's only gay and lesbians and everything else is invalid…hello the only invalid thing here is your comments πŸ™„)

If she taught me how to please nobody, you taught me how to give zero fucks.

So to the ex-love of my live and the current love of my life,

I am who I am because of you guys. And I freaking love the Chow I am today. (πŸ™„)

And to the girls/women, boys/men out there who haven't figured out if you're L,G,B,T,Q,A,P

Maybe you should stop trying to.

You are you. Appreciate the process and the nows. And maybe think less about the tomorrows.

Not my best piece of advise, but a good one nonetheless.

Maybe if you stop trying to figure out what you are, you'll have the time to develop into the person you want to be.

❀️

Many hugs to everyone who is struggling with love and identity issues out there.

#youarenotalone

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