I'm horrifyingly tired.

I now know what it means to be experiencing the holiday peak season and it almost feels like my body doesn't belong to me anymore.

I am just thankful that I get to work with my best bud, Fatty Ng and also my family, like my brother @chowchowsheep, and my cousin in law and future wife Adele and my aunt and my cousin. #blessed

This is the reason why I've been so busy today. And combined with the flea happening…today (lol past midnight liao) and the Christmas launches, I feel like I am literally working 24/7 but I have NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.

I love my job.

In case you don't know what a fortune box is and you didn't watch our 1.5 hour live stream on IG stories….go ask @crystaltaeyeon @joyceforensia @mytypeofrunaway πŸ˜‚

I'm too tired to type. But before I forget, I just wanted to write down some random thoughts.

I used to wake up in the mornings, my entire body filled with a dread I couldn't shake off.

I would brush my teeth with that dread rolling off my tongue and shower with that dread dripping off my fingers.

I would get onto the car, drive towards my office and listen to the radio, filled with dread.

Then go through the monotony of each day….filled with the same dread.

The veil would lift and the dread would go away momentarily when the time to drive home came.

But it always lingered, like those grey clouds at the corners of your day, always there, even though it wasn't going to rain.

That's what it felt like working for someone else.

Even at my dream job, that sense of dread never really went away.

I think at some point of time, it disguised itself as excitement of this bubbling sense of…achievement? But ultimately it would always come out and say HEY! DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME! I'M HERE!

Then, on the first Monday that rolled around after OBC came, the dread went away.

Even on the 6am mornings we had to wake up and pack for events and fleas

And the 3am mornings (lol, like right now), it never came back to play.

I didn't see it on the long drives to drop off parcels when couriers were delayed.

And I didn't see it when the sun and rain beat us down relentlessly at flea markets.

Then it surprised me even more when it didn't even show up to say hi when we were down and out, accused of the things we didn't do and called names that were meant to make us feel ashamed.

I don't see it lurking in the corners anymore and it no longer has the ability to make the tears spring into my eyes again.

Some days I look for it. But as hard as I try, I've never seen it again.

I uploaded a short tutorial on how to wear the stick on chicken cutlet bra today.

And being the typical klutz I feared every second of the way that I might have accidentally revealed my nipple (LOL WTS) so I proceeded to post a disclaimer on IG stories.

Turns out I did bust a nipple online (only 1 nipple. actually half), but I've had girls coming to tell me so I could take it down. And girls who told me, it's ok. And not to be too sad.

I count my blessings every fucking day, to have people who take their hard earned money to support our brand and take their time and words to support my sanity.

They care for me like I'm a sister or friend. And I never feel like a stranger when I am with them.

I have my fair share of bad interactions (common in e-commerce biz) but I definitely have the best ones too.

I sometimes feel like I have never been more blessed in my entire life to have customers who are angels in disguise.

Who love our brand and support our ideals with all their hearts. And who make me feel like I'm not alone in this huge world out there.

I am infinitely blessed. And I am infinitely loved.

I have a baby cousin 2 years younger than me whom I don't meet with often and whom I don't know much about,

But I love with all my heart.

I don't necessarily know her likes and dislikes. Don't know when she had her first boyfriend, her first piercing or first tattoo (or if she even has them)

But one way or another, I care and love her more than any other. And I can never explain why.

I'm not sure if it's because she looks alot like me. Or because her temperament and character is so similar to mine.

But everything she does, I approve of (crazy hair, homozexual tendencies, piercings, double eyelid surgery, body fucking positivity!!!) And either have thought of doing or somehow done before.

I am strangely intrigued, concerned and fond of her. Even tho we almost never meet and have almost never conversed for more than 10 sentences.

It strongly reinforces my belief that we are capable of caring for complete strangers because we are tethered by something intangible

Inexplicable

And completely non scientific.

Something I can only explain as fate.

Sometimes I think of all the people I have never met but deeply care about and wonder if it is the reason why I feel unreasonably sad on some nights.

Staring into the darkness, and unable to find respite.

Wondering if in that great big world out there, someone inexplicable cares for me, the same way inexplicably care for them.

Yet we have never met and probably never will.

I wonder if that's the reason people leave relationships or families, driven by an inexplicable feeling to search for someone they have never seen but uncontrollably care for.

Perhaps that's why people search their entire lives for something they cannot explain,

Only to realise that the beauty of it all lies in fate and the inability to decipher it all 😒

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