As August comes along, I’ll be saying goodbye to 3 of my girls.
I’ve never been good with goodbyes. When I was younger, every morning my mother left home for work, I would cry and beg her not to go. To stay home with me. To just leave a little later.
Granted, sometimes after she leaves I forgot she was even here in the first place — the blessing of a child’s mind. But when the next day comes around again, the sorrow of watching her leave is still very very real.
Thing is, I over think and over feel many things. I always tell myself when the next hire comes along, that I will be a co-worker, a manager, a boss and nothing more.
And every time the new hire comes around, they somehow become more than just a new hire and slowly creep around into my life long enough for me to call them my friends.
So when they leave, it becomes very personal. My immediate reaction is always defensive. It always feels like the sting of betrayal.
“Why would they even want to leave? Am I not good enough? Are they not happy here?”
Then it gives way to the logical conclusion that in life, people want different things. And no matter how good you may be, you might not be what they want. It’s nobody’s fault, but it hurts anyway.
I’m back to hiring again, and sometimes I feel the same exasperation of youngsters on dating apps. Meeting people only to realise they are not who they seem to be on paper. Feeling hopeful…then hopeless again.
But you know what? I’m thankful that I have wonderful, wonderful staff and friends that makes saying goodbye so hard. I am thankful that I will miss all their help, miss the way they are able to read my mind, and do things for me before I even ask.
I am thankful that I have all the time to look back on. The 3 months, the 6 months and the 2 years. I am thankful that I have had all the laughter, all the chit chats and all the little times the crack appeared on their work self to reveal their real self beneath. Thankful they let me be more than just their boss. Thankful they let someone like me into their lives.
I might be really really sad that I won’t have anyone to ask when I can’t find the paper bags in the office. And even sadder when I have to go for lunch and can’t hear the whining of where we should eat and where we shouldn’t eat.
But I am also happy that they enjoyed their time here and will be moving on to something better for them.