What If There’s No Afterlife

I’ve been trying to write more frequently recently. Mainly because I’ve begun to realise that words don’t come as easily to me like they used to, and sometimes I find myself hesitating mid-sentence looking for a word to express my thoughts and emotions, only to have them come out empty.

It’s quite a terrifying feeling actually. To know that there’s a particular adjective lurking somewhere in the depths of your mind, yet when you reach in to look for it, you can’t seem to remember where you’ve placed it. I’m hoping writing will help bring back the familiarity I used to have with words and ease me back into the routine of documenting some of the interesting discussions I encounter.

Just yesterday, Daniel asked me if life as we know it would be vastly different if as humans, we knew with absolute certainty that the possibility of an afterlife did not exist.

My answer was a definite yes.

Not thinking required. It would definitely, 100% change the way I lead my life.

Firstly, I think I wouldn’t be so hung up about being around and alive if I knew there were no consequences to death. And that all it brought about was the cessation of my existence.

I’m afraid to die because I am afraid of the unknown that comes with death. I’m not sure if life after death will be worse than the current life I’m living. And when you assume that the possibility of hell is very real, you generally want to stay away from it as long as possible.

But if hell doesn’t exist, and I struggle with my daily life and feel that there’s no escape from the tortures that life brings, I’ll end it. Simple as that. When a game isn’t worth playing or doesn’t bring you as much pleasure as it does, then you end the game. That’s my first reaction to the thought of having no life after death.

We brought up this discussion again today during game night with some friends. Which led us to the discussion that a lot of what we do as humans are motivated by the concept of accumulating karma and the promise of an afterlife that is equivalent to going to heaven.

We do good deeds most of the time because we fear the punishment and judgement that religion leads us to believe will happen after death. But also because of the promise that good will be rewarded thereafter.

The afterlife gives this life meaning. Which is warped to say, because shouldn’t we just enjoy our life and give it meaning just because we exist?

But I guess sometimes we all need something bigger than ourselves, bigger than our existence to help us believe that there is a bigger plan for everyone. And if we can’t find it in this life, then perhaps our only hope is in the life that comes after.

Goodbye Letters

As August comes along, I’ll be saying goodbye to 3 of my girls.

I’ve never been good with goodbyes. When I was younger, every morning my mother left home for work, I would cry and beg her not to go. To stay home with me. To just leave a little later.

Granted, sometimes after she leaves I forgot she was even here in the first place — the blessing of a child’s mind. But when the next day comes around again, the sorrow of watching her leave is still very very real.

Thing is, I over think and over feel many things. I always tell myself when the next hire comes along, that I will be a co-worker, a manager, a boss and nothing more.

And every time the new hire comes around, they somehow become more than just a new hire and slowly creep around into my life long enough for me to call them my friends.

So when they leave, it becomes very personal. My immediate reaction is always defensive. It always feels like the sting of betrayal.

“Why would they even want to leave? Am I not good enough? Are they not happy here?”

Then it gives way to the logical conclusion that in life, people want different things. And no matter how good you may be, you might not be what they want. It’s nobody’s fault, but it hurts anyway.

I’m back to hiring again, and sometimes I feel the same exasperation of youngsters on dating apps. Meeting people only to realise they are not who they seem to be on paper. Feeling hopeful…then hopeless again.

But you know what? I’m thankful that I have wonderful, wonderful staff and friends that makes saying goodbye so hard. I am thankful that I will miss all their help, miss the way they are able to read my mind, and do things for me before I even ask.

I am thankful that I have all the time to look back on. The 3 months, the 6 months and the 2 years. I am thankful that I have had all the laughter, all the chit chats and all the little times the crack appeared on their work self to reveal their real self beneath. Thankful they let me be more than just their boss. Thankful they let someone like me into their lives.

I might be really really sad that I won’t have anyone to ask when I can’t find the paper bags in the office. And even sadder when I have to go for lunch and can’t hear the whining of where we should eat and where we shouldn’t eat.

But I am also happy that they enjoyed their time here and will be moving on to something better for them.

#sappyboss #notabossbitch

Be your own anchor

Sometimes, we let people creep into our lives. Slowly, day by day, you get so used to the fact that they will always be around. That they are constants and they will always have your back, hold your hand.

You wake up, and you go about your day, expecting everything to be the same. That when you go to sleep that night and wake up tomorrow, the same people are in your lives, the same routines are set in place.

Then you realise one day, you’ll go to sleep and everything will change.

We cannot expect the people in our lives to always stay. And sometimes, no matter how hard you try, or how much you want to give in, they leave anyway.

It’s not that they want to, it’s not that they have to. But they do so any way. And suddenly, you feel like like you’ve been left to float in an endless sea.

Some days, it will make you feel liberated and free. Like you’re able to go anywhere, do anything, without having to think about what someone else might feel.

And on other days, you feel lost, like a light breeze will send you miles toward a direction you’re not ready to head. Lying on your back, you’ll lose sight of goals, milestones and accomplishments.

When those days come, I hope you’ll remember that finding a place to land is as easy as dropping the anchor you carry within yourself. That you’ll no longer need other people to help you figure out where you are in life and where you can be.

Find your own ground, be your own anchor.

More to Lose


For a long time, being able to share everything on Dayre was carthartic, empowering and liberating.

But I guess when you have more, you also have more to lose.

And that’s make you less candid, more wary.

Less honest, more guarded.

And I guess that means I’ve lost even without having to play the game.

What Up Saturday? / Goobycakes

Bestfriend Chen and I spent the entire night (6 hours!) chatting away yesterday, over some Desperados and Tequila shots last night and it was such a soul fulfilling night.

I was showered with a lot of cat love (rare, but very real) because bestfriend Chen isn’t the most affectionate of people, but once in a while she shows the most genuine of affections and it makes me feel very very loved and appreciated.

Ahhhh. Nights like this.

Oh, the picture above? That’s my breakfast today. Leftover congee I cooked for Ellen before I left home. It is super easy and super yummy.

Just throw a bunch of dried scallops, ikan billis, goji berries, oyster sauce and some seafood soy sauce into the pressure cooker, along with rice to water ratio of 1:7.

Keep pressure time of about 30 minutes and then you’re done! Don’t even need to look at it 😂

Easy to cook, good to store in the fridge (although my mum insists that you can’t keep porridge 😂) and easy to reheat for a warm easy meal whenever you want it ♥️

Putting the Fun in Chee Cheong Fun

I messaged Missgoob to reserve some of the cheese buns she’s making this weekend so I thought we’d head down to my favourite CCF place at Holland Drive Food Centre to grab the Tobiko Roe Smoked Salmon CCF for her too hehe ♥️

This is my absolute favourite CCF place. The rolls are so smooth and soft and the sauce is sweet and slightly salty. I love it!

The Tobiko and Smoked Salmon one costs $5 for 2 rolls which are handmade on the spot. Abit pricey but it’s so shiok! The little bursts of Tobiko Roe and the cooked smoked salmon (I don’t like raw ones) are sweet and savoury and tastes like the sea.

Paired with the soft cheong fun and it’s HEAVEN.

A new flavour I tried today was the Chang wrapped Chang haha which is liver sausage inside the Cheong fun.

I was surprised by how creamy and tasty the liver sausage was and how it wasn’t too overpowering because they put just the right amount. 😭

This was $6 for 2 rolls which is…also pricey! But if you don’t like these fancy things, you can go for the regular charsiew and prawn!


We dropped by Goobycakes after breakfast to collect these gorgeous Brazilian Cheese Baked Buns that were the specials this weekend!

I first fell in love with these cheese balls when they served them piping hot at the Carnivore buffet. Fuck, I loved these buns more than the meat itself.

So when Missgoob put up a post for these, I immediately messaged her 😂

The buns are really good! Not the usual fluffy buns, it’s really just Brazilian style and super chewy and salty and great ♥️♥️

Thank you Missgoob!!!!!!!!!! 😭

She also gave me a cheesekek brownie which is 😚😚😚😚😚 omg we finished half of it in a night. Paired with ice cream, warmed up in the microwave, so…freaking good.

I warmed mine up in the microwave so it was soft and slightly gooey and so frickin delicious!

Paired with my all time favourite Valhorna ice cream and I just want to cry with happiness. Food really just makes me really happy ♥️

A Bout of Rambles

I’ve always been in love with the ocean, yet afraid of it at the same time.

I love harbour towns, nautical themes, aquariums and almost everything related to the sea, except being in the sea itself.

I like the idea of it and the notion that it’s possible to create a life worshipping it, but also thoroughly terrified of what lies beneath my feet when I walk on sandy beaches.

The thought of hermit crabs trying to nip my fleshy feet and the countless unknown creatures just swimming around me…scares me.

I think that’s how most people feel about love.

Beautiful from a distance, terrifying when you’re deep within it.

On another note, I’m just happy to be alive, considering how the worst part of a sickness usually is the long and tiresome recovery process.

My sore throat has manifested in a hacking cough that will not go away. I’ve coughed till my temples hurt and my stomach churn and still, I am coughing.

The new cough syrup I’ve been prescribed tastes like custard and chocolate which is such a weird flavour!

I always welcomed the brown syrup that tasted…I’m not sure if only in my imagination, like cola.

But this custard one is naassssty.

My mucus is also superbly thick and sticky and it clogs up my nose, throat and lungs. Making me wheeze when I talk for too long.

I somehow don’t recall taking so long to recover in the past. Perhaps this is what age does to you.

Or maybe it’s what business does to you 😂

Talking about business…

I’ve been having this nagging feeling behind my neck that’s just yelling at me to do more. To move faster.

Just this week, we’ve had to send back 2 shipments of stuff because they weren’t up to standard. As much as this is making me lose alot of money, it’s better than not being able to sleep at night because you are worried people don’t like the stuff we’ve created.

Funny tho, I still couldn’t sleep last night because out of nowhere, I’ve been having hot flushes and just last night,

An incredibly heightened sense of itch.

Every time I would almost fall asleep, I would be jolted awake by the feeling of my hair, a single strand, tickling me somewhere.

These feelings and sensations I’ve always been able to ignore and just sleep, were suddenly amplified and it literally almost drove me mad.

I hopped out of bed at 3am to take a cold bath and still it took me an hour to fall asleep.

I wonder if it was because my period didn’t come for 4 months (no not pregnant!) And that my hormones were all out of place because I am so so so stressed and high strung.

Then I realised it might be because I’m too neurotic by nature.

My husband on the other hand, claims he heard me snoring, when he himself, sleeps like the dead.

Or maybe it was all just my dream?

Nope, I definitely bathed tho…or did I?

On Sick Leave! 😭

Got to finish up on my WordPress Guide for Dayreans and my BKK post, but guess who’s sick after calling the men on the trip weak?


Down with fever, cough, flu and sore throat since yesterday morning and the only thing saving my sanity and aching body is Yoko Yoko. 😂

I’m also gearing up for one last #taobao post on Dayre, but I’m not sure if anyone still wants to read it!

Part of the post is this backless midi dress I used as a skirt cos #toomuchskin 😂

Let me know what you’d like covered in the WordPress guide!

So far I’ve gotten tagging your posts, bumping your posts up after each update and maximizing your storage space.

I’ll keep them coming as I think of them. But if you have any suggestions, I’d be happy to hear!

BKK Day 3: Siam Aquarium

Starting off day 3 with an OOTD that actually has my face in it because haha, Joey dropped off this wonderful dress from Ohvola for me, on the morning I was leaving for BKK!

Saved this dress for Aquarium day cos I wanted to be in ~theme~ with the ocean. 😅

I really quite like this dress! Apart from the fabric being a little warm because it is thicccccc, it’s actually really wonderful!

Also lined, so when you sweat, it doesn’t show up on the fabric. I give 2 thumbs up!

Every morning, I start off the day by baby sitting this little one while his parents are out gallavanting.

He makes me so freaking mad sometimes, but he’s also super cute so I’m honestly, abit schizo about this whole thing.

Is this how parenting is like all the time? 😅

We also hobbled over to Siam Paragon for After You because we needed to match baby’s nap time so he would be awake when we went to the aquarium.

I’m no longer blown away by the desserts at After You because I’ve never had a sweet tooth to start, and it seems like their standard has been dropping?

The toasts used to be ccccrispy but now they are just soaked in butter and soggy soggy.

We had 2 tho, because my SIL is a huge dessert monster. I finally got to try the cheddar cheese one and it was not bad!

I’ve always been a fan of salty and sweet combis so this one really worked for me!

Sad thing tho, after this, Husband Ng and Brother Chow both got indigestion and diarrhea, which I suspect is the result of having so much milk fats and oils in one sitting.

Ice cream, cheese, fried toast?????? Damn. Bad for health number 1!

After baby woke from his nap, we went to the Aquarium near 5pm! Time really just disappears when you have a kid.

I’ve always been amazed by how they squeezed a full sized aquarium under a huge shopping complex and man I was really impressed.

The exhibits were really not bad and extensive in their coverage, even tho in scale it was smaller.

They also had 2 storey viewing tanks like in the SEA Aquarium in Singapore, but it wasn’t so wide. The selection of sharks tho!!!!!! Omg I was so amazed!

But it was a little older so it really reminded me of the defunct Underwater World which I really enjoyed ♥️



They put him in the smallest life jacket, but he was still too small for it. So when YY carried him, he slipped out of the arm hole 😅

Inter again

By this time, my brother and husband are experiencing mild diarrhea.

But my brother more jialat la cos he was vomitting also. But dude insisted to MUST eat at Inter again, so we went back!

My favourite “Tum Sua!” which is like super sized version of the regular papaya salad. ♥️♥️♥️

I usually eat 2 plates of this if I’m not eating any mains haha. There’s rice noodles inside as well!

Something new I tried this time round…rice noodles with hot curry. I’d expected the curry to contain some veggie or meat but uh. It’s really just curry sauce.

Perfect for me la! Cos I love the curry here and I love carbs and usually don’t touch the meats in curry 😅

Best fried chicken wings, also very easy to eat cos they split up the two bones

My favourite Pad Thai!

And Tom yam soup. Tbh the tomyam isn’t fantastic here, but it’s still pretty good!

Simple fried rice with Veggies which was 10/10 💛

We were supposed to go to a night market but ended back in the hotel completely pooped 😅

Daniel says he’s never been so tired doing so little, but you know what, it’s still fun in its own weird way!

BKK Day 2: Plus Sized Shopping, Rod Fai Ratchada

Good morning!

Haha, I have been extremely adventurous with my eye make up recently because I’ve always been wanting to find a good style for spectacles since I live in them.

But I always find that they are not “glam” enough so…but I’ve figured out a way!

  • Put eyeshadow. No matter how crazy the colours, after you put eyeliner and lashes, they will seem more muted.
  • If you wanna put lashes, choose shorter but more voluminous ones. And also must put thick eyeliner and eyeshadow (for my monolidded sisters out there)
  • Nobody understands monolidded eyes more than MEEEEEE. So thick eyeliner is a must. Anyway you open eyes then no more liao

Thats it! I’ve been very happy with my make up this far. I’m using blue eyeshadow btw 😂😂😂 damn epic.

Also, my #ootd haha. Daniel ask me why I’m going to the office.

Aiya, I just super love this knitted skirt la. It’s damn comfy and stretchy and the material is thick enough so no VPLs! Woosh.

It’s from Taobao, let me just share the link…

【夏季加肥加大码针织半身裙a字裙胖人短裙胖mm200斤高腰中长包臀裙】http://m.tb.cn/h.WGlEYVa 点击链接,再选择浏览器打开;或复制这条信息¥3SPu0MfawMt¥后打开👉手淘👈

My brother went to Amari Watergate to have his suits tailor made this morning, so Daniel and I volunteered for baby duty 😂

I’m always in awe of how much mothers sacrifice just to see their babies happy and well rested.

A mother is like the most unappreciated saikang ever. 😅

After baby woke up, we headed over to Platinum Mall to walk walk and also to have lunch at the food court.

Plus Sized Shopping

A huge part of shopping in BKK for me, involves listening to shopkeepers tell me “no size” or have them look at me with that dirty look because they know I can’t fit into the stuff they sell.

It’s sad la! It got so bad that during one of my previous trips, I’d get so rejected and feel so fat and upset with my body after walking through the malls and markets.

I was convinced that I was too big for Asian standards and that I was doomed to only see pretty clothes but not own them.

But you know what?

Fuck that shit

Enter plus size shopping haven in BKK 🎉

This mall doesn’t have a name, but it’s connected to Platinum Mall via a bridge.

What you do is walk to the furthest end of platinum mall on the second floor (away from the end with Starbucks) and you walk onto the link bridge and into the plus sized haven.

The first few stalls don’t look like they are plus sized, but if you go deeper and higher, you’ll realise they are!


My SIL found a shop that made her heart sing (LOL) because it sold Disney printed Lycra leggings. Once she put baby to sleep, we attacked the shop 😅


Checking out a Disney Villian shirt because………princesses aren’t really my thing haha. I do appreciate them from afar, but I cannot la. I prefer associating myself with the bad guys ahhaha.

Platinum Mall Food Court


Random insertion of the amazing Pork Leg Rice @ Platinum Mall’s Foodcourt.

I generally don’t enjoy eating there cos it is so crowded! I generally don’t like platinum mall cos the store owners are very chaobin LOL and also because it’s crazy crowded.

But if I go to the food court, here are a few things I eat:

  • Kway Chap

Ya I know you’re thinking. Wtf Chow, come to BKK eat kway chap damn boliao leh! It’s true…but it’s good! The noodles are still rolled (not like the factory cut ones that look like huge kway teow in Singapore) and they have a small portion of all the liao 料…shiok!

  • Pork Leg Rice

Comparable to the famous and overpriced one in the Pratunam Market area. Pls don’t be fooled hor. Most of the PLRs in BKK are nice!

  • Fried Mussel Pancake

This is next to the Kway Chap store, and is like our orh jian except much much crispier. I also like how their mussels are mini so they are not as fishy.

  • Papaya Salad

My usual combination for the salad here is Papaya + Mango mix, add squid, rice noodle and pork rinds. Super shiok! It’s like recreating my favourite Tum Sua! at Inter, but closer to home hehe.

Rod Fai Ratchada Night Market


We abandoned baby and mummy (LOL) to head out to Rod Fai Market behind Esplanade Mall cos baby mummy was too tired. 🙈

Rod Fai Ratchada is one of my favourite night markets because it’s closer to the city centre (usually 150 baht by grab) and has a good mix of food and shopping!

They used to have more food than shopping variety, but it has greatly improved over these few years.

Daniel’s holy grail night market is still the Rod Fai @ Srinakarin (near Seacon Square), because it is just HUGE ASS. But it’s not very worth it to travel all the way out (2 hour journey, 200-300baht by Grab during peak hours) because it’s very very tiring to walk through the shops before getting to the main market.

I’ll settle with Ratchada cos we’ve been to Srinakarin so many times already! Plus when you travel with other people…better not to go so far, in case someone needs to poop, is tired or something!

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Buying my favourite coconut shake haha. Always ask for no milk + no syrup! Unless you like milk la! But I don’t like haha.


This market has one of the most extensive food sections I’ve seen. Usually the food section is at the last few rows but this market has as many food rows as they have shopping. Shiok!

What we do is usually reach the market either early at 5+6 to have dinner, then shop and dabao supper home after the food section.


OR, eat dinner + rest, reach the market around 9 and then shop + dabao supper home.




Food I always dabao here:

  • Bacon wrapped enoki sticks (grilled sticks in general)


But I’ve realised that this year, a lot of these bbq stores are using mala sauce instead of their usual sweet and spicy sauce. WALAO. Why ah. Why.


  • Giant Fishballs


This one really my one true love! I buy the large portion every time. Haha, I would like to say that if you like normal bouncy fish balls, then this isn’t for you. It’s the chewy, doughey kind! But I luvvvvem.


  • Coconut Shake


  • MFv4UyWVYQgBLvyRsMw2.jpg

Just buy the XL sized one. Confirm can finish. Daniel and I have 1 XL each. Btw these photos I stole from my old posts haha.


  • Tako Pachi (my brother says is very good)


  • Grilled Squid



  • Flavoured Pork Rinds

New find this trip are these flavoured pork rinds! I bagged Sriracha home and it’s 99 baht for a huge bag! Worth it la. Daniel is saying I’ll finish em before this trip even ends.


We then proceed to dabao the food back to a sleeping baby and mummy. Mummy wakes up and wants to eat, but baby wakes up also, so we have to sneak out of the room (after sneaking in) and adjourn to our room instead. The adult room, where you can eat supper in peace and fart loudly.


Also proceeds to watch Black Mirror at until 1am and regrets everything the next morning HAHA.

BANGKOK, Day 1: Siam + Kid Talk


We’re going to Bangkok again! 🎉🎉

It’s been awhile since we’ve made a trip there, simply because we’ve been super busy and most of the time, we’re dragged on planned holidays with the family, instead of planning one for ourselves.

Actually this time….my brother planned this trip as well and booked the tickets and accomodation for us.

Truth is,

Daniel and I are not travel bugs

We don’t have the urge to travel (which I’ve talked about in my previous post called Wanderlust) and we are very happy being homely people who can spend the entire day being couch potatoes.

But it does feel nice to be travelling once in awhile!

Packing last night tho…I really hate packing and unpacking. 😂😐

And we’re here!

Starting off the trip with a cup of rose milk tea…which sucks 😂😂😂

I regret falling prey to the pink cup trap 😂 but ok la it is very GAO in rose taste 😂

Continue reading “BANGKOK, Day 1: Siam + Kid Talk”