I can’t write. And its scaring me shitless.
When you love someone and they break your heart, you remember it forever. You may fall in love again, you may get up on your feet again, but the feeling of having your chest ripped open and your heart slowly torn to pieces? That feeling never really goes away.
I used to love you. I used to notice you in a corner of the school canteen and feel excitement bubbling right in the middle of my chest. I used to run right up to you and give you a huge hug, because that meant that I got one in return. I got a hug from you. A hug you gave so damn well, it felt like sunshine pouring into my cold wet soul and keeping me alive. I used to laugh with you, I used to watch you cry. I used to haul your sorry drunken ass up a cab and to my house in the middle of the night. I used to love you, right from the very tips of your fingers, to the marrows of your bones. And for a brief moment of time, I thought you loved me too.
But the funny thing about time is that a second to someone can end up being years to another. And perhaps a blink of an eye to me became a far too long for you. Does it hurt when you remove someone from your life? Do you rip them out like band aid from a wound, or do you like to light a match and watch them burn up in flames? I hope it hurts. I hope it hurts like hell. Because maybe then, you can feel a quarter of the pain you put me through.
But hey, the good news is I no longer do. I no longer love you. After the million and a half times you broke my heart? Consider it a miracle I took so long to lose faith in you. Anyway, here’s a parting gift for you: When someone breaks your heart, remember to break theirs too. Only this time, do it better, do it harder, and remember to hold back your tears when you hear yours splinter too.